I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
