brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
