I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
