do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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