That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
