plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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