if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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