You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
