I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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