We got so high we made milksteak
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
