Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
