now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
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