my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
