What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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