The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
