It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
