I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he fucked my hip out of place.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
