If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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