I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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