so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
