She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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