Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
