Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
