I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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