Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
