I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
