He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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