my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
