I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize