He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
