lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
