Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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