at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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