I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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