do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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