Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Everything about him screamed your future.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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