then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
