I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
