So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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