why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
