There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize