she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The Olympian is in my bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
