Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
