So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
