My room smells like vodka and shame
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
