Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
