I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
