I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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