you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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