So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
