woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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