Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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