My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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