I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
