Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
