so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
