it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
