he shaved USA in his pubs
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
