Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The air taste purple.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
