What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
