Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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