Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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