Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You took a bar mat shot.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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