i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
