i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
