hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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