she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
