i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize