i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
