she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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