Redeem this text for a blowjob
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
