I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
