totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
