I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
