I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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