After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My life is pants optional.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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