He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
