who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize