just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's never too late to be topless.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
