i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
