matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize