Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
