Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
