he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
