Umm I'm too high to move.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
