I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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