all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
