Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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