when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
