garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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