arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
