im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
