I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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