K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
