why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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