Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
