I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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