Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
