those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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