I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
