You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize