He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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