called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize