A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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