Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
