So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
