I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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