i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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