We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
