The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
