I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
